Schmooie Delpino (Part I)

Yesterday, I went to a Young Jewish Professionals gathering at a snooty cabana beach club, the same event I accidentally showed up to two weeks ago because I had gotten the date wrong.  Once again, the people running the place were complete morons and had no idea what I was talking about when I said I was there for an event. They directed me to an event in the next room with gorgeous ritzy middle aged couples who had gathered for some sort of real-estate entrepreneurship meeting. I went back over to the dopey girls running the place and explained that I didn’t think I was at the right meeting. One of them got the manager. He had a vague idea of what I was talking about, but still seemed somewhat clueless. I wasn’t sure whether I should leave, but then I finally saw someone I knew. It was Lawyer Boy, a guy who in the past was rather dull, but seeing as he comes to the same Jewish events I do, I now know him better and realize the right things to say to make him lively. We have no interest in each other, but I’ve been surprised to find out we’ve become friends. We’re both looking for the same thing, and that has bonded us. He’s looking for his female Schmooie.

Finally, someone who was in charge of the event approached us and directed us toward a small group of people. We all stood around a cabana by the pool and listened for a few minutes to a woman speak about a very important Jewish organization. Then, we were set free to mingle. As usual, there were the handful of nice looking males who had a needy fiancée clinging to their arm. These taken men had all the quality prospects I wanted: goal oriented, smiley, nice looking, interesting---but I couldn’t have them for obvious reasons! What also annoyed me about these men was the fact that they usually had no relative (brother, cousin, friend) to set me up with. On the other hand, what I loved about these unavailable men was that they often showed great interest in me much to the deep frustration of their finances. The intensely suspicious stare on those angry women is priceless, a sort of sweet revenge, as if I’m saying in my head, “in your face, you greedy hussy!.” Surprisingly, there were very few females present at this event, and instead a small handful of males. I talked to two friendly brothers who just couldn’t keep apart from each other. There was also a set of nerds, one actually engaged and the other unwilling to leave the other nerd’s side.

Lawyer Boy and I joked about what we could do to find each other somebody. At the start of the event, two girls seemed interested in him because I was talking to him. But by the middle of the event, they went on to talk to the older playboy looking dude at the far side of the cabana. Lawyer Boy and I reasoned, tongue in cheek of course, that we should go to these events and pretend to be a couple in order to actually get the opposite sex interested in each of us, be each other’s wing-man. The two of us had fun discussing the body languages of the people we watched there, as if we were invisible to everyone else noticing. We decided in the future to try to be more useful to each other in our quests for our own Schmooies….(end of part I continue onto part II for the conclusion of today's story)