Sailing for Schmooie

It’s time for a little update since yesterday’s blog post. Something happened that made me further aware of what an incredible person Shy Boy really is and why I love being around him. After posting yesterday’s blog, I finally had a realization. It’s the little things Shy Boy does to show me he loves me that I find romantic. Surprising me with roses on Valentines’ Day; or taking me on a train to a certain famous city and then kissing me while we wait for the train; or voluntarily offering my sister to hang out with us so she won't feel left out are all little things that make him endearing to me. Then why does a huge sweeping romantic gesture of buying me a cruise ticket and paying my airfare irk me so much? Sounds like something any women would dream a man would do for her. What bothers me about it is not work related as I’ve previously thought. I could be in a stable job right now that I enjoy and I still would react the same way. Work is not the true reason why I was bothered so much by the fact that he booked a glamorous trip for two.

After I got the e-mail confirming all the plans, I got angry at Shy Boy and didn’t return any of his calls or go on facebook to speak to him. It was a silly thing to do really. How could he know I was angry? I hadn’t given him any indication of the fact. Call it a moment of immaturity that I had to get off my chest. After the twenty four hour sanctions against him, I called him up. I wasn’t angry anymore. I realized I was acting batty. And I missed him. Most of all, I had to talk things out with him. Our conversation started the way it always did, asking about each other’s day, talking about the crazy people we ran into. He asked if I got the e-mail from Jetblue. I told him I did, but that was the only talk we did about the trip for awhile. It wasn’t until about a half hour into our conversation that I finally brought up the issue. I was scared to bring up the topic, and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. He was already very excited about the trip. Meanwhile, I didn’t know whether I wanted to give him back the tickets. I just needed to tell him how I was feeling and try to reason it out.

I couldn’t quite put my feelings into words. I tried to explain it all from the beginning. I told him when I received the e-mail, I didn’t feel quite right about it. I felt alright about the cruise earlier in the week, but once the plane tickets had been confirmed, I felt strange, I felt unhappy. I tried to elaborate, but I couldn’t get the words out. There was a pause as I nervously tried to fish for the reasons for my feelings. Hearing the pause, he offered to fill the words in for me.

He said, “Let me try to guess what’s bothering you. Is it the money?” Partially.
“The going away together?” Definitely.
“Moving too fast?” Bingo.

He hit all three nails on the head in less than a minute. It was as if he could read my mind. He wasn’t angry. His feelings weren’t hurt. He wasn’t shocked or surprised, instead he was instantly sympathetic. He said, “Oh wow. I didn’t want to make you feel that way.” He explained that he had always wanted to go on a nice trip with his saved up vacation time. Originally, he was going to go on sort of a mission trip to Israel, but since meeting me he thought a cruise would be a fun thing to do together. I haven’t been feeling well the past two days (girlie problems, don’t ask) and I wasn’t sure if that was playing with my emotions and rationality. He told me to give it a few days, wait until I felt better, and then think about what I’d like to do. He said he didn’t want to pressure or overwhelm me into anything. He was instantly so sweet and understanding about everything where I couldn’t express myself. He really understood me. I love him for that. It’s the little things like that that make me know he’s a winner. Even if people like my sister can’t see those amazing qualities in him, I can.

A very wise sensei  gave me some insight into the topic, which was a real eye-opener. I hope that sensei won’t mind me paraphrasing some of those thoughts here. The idea of commitment is  what's freaking me out. It sounds so official. People expect you to make plans together. Then there are the long-term plans that begin to arise. I don’t like looking far out into the future, but that’s not the real issue here. The real issue is whether I see myself with this person. Do I still want to be with him come October when the cruise is set to sail? The answer is yes. I don’t have to think about it. I know I want him around. I don’t like change. I’ve spent a long time not having a boy toy in my life. The realization that this boy toy, this wonderful sweet caring person has come along is a bit frightening.  But it’s a good feeling to know that he’s the mature one of the two of us. He makes plans, he wants to gently move things along while minding my own comfort level. Most girls get stuck with guys who won’t commit, who want to flounder around being the eternal high school student and never want to make an adult decision. I got lucky and found one who likes to move things along. Plus he’s capable of planning exciting things and has the ability to organize it into fruition. He’s a not a negative person who talks himself out of adventure. I just want to thank that sensei for helping me see the light not just in this situation, but for helping me through the darkness when I was certain I’d never find a good Schmooie wanna-be to have around. Now if only I could get my sister on board with liking Shy Boy. That will have to wait for a future blog post.