Something has changed about him. I can’t pinpoint if the change occured when he returned from his holiday trip to visit his parents or when I had to spend the night due to inclement weather. The good thing is the change has been for the better. When I first knew him, I just wanted someone to hang out with even though he digged me a lot more than I digged him. For awhile, I started to worry I was forcing a relationship because there was no one else and nothing else going on, so why not enjoy the fact that someone was giving me attention. But eventually, after a weekend extravaganza road trip to go with him to a family wedding (his brother was getting married) I started to like him more. By the time winter rolled around, I really did like him back, even loved him. He started off as a very shy somewhat awkward person, but as he’s gotten to know me, he’s let down his guard and showed me that he is a funny guy who can handle himself.
Now for whatever reason, he’s gone on what he calls a “detox.” He’s a bit heavyset and since coming back from his parent’s house, he’s decided to do something about it. Maybe the sudden surge in confidence he's been displaying over the past two months can be blamed on the fact that he’s feeling better about himself and feels less winded. Or maybe he’s just comfortable enough around me and trusts me enough to be himself. In any case, I really like the new found confidence he’s showing. He’s broken the shell he needed time to come out of, which is somewhat exciting. My sister likes him much more than she did before but she still thinks he’s a bit dull and annoying. Well, everyone else likes him. My mom has gone quiet on the subject. I’m still not sure whether that’s a good thing or not.
...Which brings me to the rest of today’s blog. It’s more or a gripe really. Shy Boy decided to plan a cruise trip in the fall. I wasn’t too keen on the idea. I have no idea where I’ll be in that time with my career. I’m currently living in limbo in two different States in the country. Actually, this blog post was meant to be an amusing one about the fact that he thinks I’m six months younger than him and booked the cruise that way, so what should I do: keep the secret or let it out. But then I got an e-mail from JetBlue. I reluctantly went along on the cruise idea. I wanted to hold off buying the airline tickets though. We’re still months and months away from the event. He went ahead and booked the airline tickets anyway. Tickets for two leaving from this State on the East coast. And I got angry. I’m being good and not calling him to chew his ear off, instead I’m venting here on the ole blog. I don’t want to over react just yet, but here are my thoughts.
I know a lot of women would find it romantic or exciting that a man would go along and plan a trip like this, but it only made me angry. Did I ask you to book this for me? I told you I’d think about it every time you brought it up. Isn’t that clue enough that I’m not interested? I’d rather do something more exciting, personally. But it’s not that that’s the problem. The problem is you’re in a stable place right now with your career and I’m not. I’m trying to get that straightened out and I don’t need you uselessly interfering with idiotic romantic intentions! I want nothing more to go back to my beloved state back West. No, its not you holding me back, like you’re so worried about. It’s something in me. Something that misses the work I do and wants to get back to it, but something that fears change. I’m applying for some jobs in my beloved state. Due to licensing restrictions, the only job I can get back East at the moment is working at the VA if they have any spots open. I’m looking into both options. I’m not sure what will happen in each. What if I get that job in either place and they won’t let me take off the two weeks you plan for this stupid extravaganza anyway? So I don’t know where the heck I’ll be living come eight months from now and by booking glamorous itineraries as if I’m leaving from this state on the East coast is only going to hurt our relationship. I tell you not to do it now because it’ll be costly later you idiot. Canceling flights or even cruises is a waste of time and money and will only lead to us resenting each other. I don’t care if you like to plan ahead. You can plan too far ahead and shoot yourself in your stupid foot!
*Ahem* So yeah, you’re so responsible with finances but you want to do something special now that you’ve got someone special to do things with. I don’t buy it. I get irked by it. GET OFF OF MY DAMN BACK! I know there’s nothing you can do to help my career and I have to help myself. I’ve vented to you how scared I feel. Do something useful in that arena. You cheered me up about it and made me feel like it was going to be all better the other night. But then you go and do this and act like it’s some lovely wonderful surprise. What’s the deal?!? Oh and I still haven’t told my mother yet. Why don’t you be the one to tell a nice worrying Jewish mother, “I plan to take your daughter away on a cruise, but don’t worry, the room has double beds.” Good luck with that.
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