Schmooie, Where Have I Been?

I’ve decided to just go ahead and talk more about the Schmooie wanna-be mentioned in the previous post. Since I’ve been spending time with the family back East, there hasn’t been much excitement going on other than hanging out with Shy Boy Schmooie. I’ve been on several outings with Shy Boy. We went to visit my old school. We’ve been to a whole bunch of restaurants. We’ve been to the movies. All those places people go to hang out. By the fifth outing, he wanted a kiss, but I wasn’t going to give one. I wasn't shy. I wasn't playing hard to get. I liked him very much, but I wasn’t as crazy about him as he was of me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek at the beginning and at the end of the outing. He had a great deal in common with me. We come very similar religious and political backgrounds. He liked all the same cultural things I dug. But something was missing. He felt too familiar, like a relative more than a potential boyfriend. But I decided to keep hanging out with him because I enjoyed his company, and he wasn’t asking for too much in return. He was new to the area and needed to get to know people. He had a difficult time making friends.

He always came with his hair gelled back, making him look much older and balder than he really was. On the sixth outing, he surprised me by showing up with no gel in his hair. He said he didn’t have time to put any on that day. It was a marked improvement. Finally, instead of looking 30 years older than what he really was, he looked like a dude his actual age. The hair looked a lot cuter and cleaner without silly gels. I felt oddly more attracted to him than I did before. Maybe it was the fact that I complimented him a lot on the new look, but for whatever reason, he was acting more manly. The thing that held (and still holds) me back was the familiarity. I couldn’t (and can’t) seem to feel as attracted to him as he is to me. We ended the date, and he wanted a kiss very badly. It was obvious. Perhaps encouraged by the compliments and his new surge of manliness, he went ahead and kissed me. He got the corner of my mouth rather than the full lip because I inadvertently moved my head as he went in.

We soon found a particular restaurant that has become our hangout spot. If we can’t think of anywhere else to go, this particular place is where we end up craving. After eating there that night, he kissed me full on the lips in the parking lot. It was a very sweet, nice little kiss. I didn’t feel sparks or fireworks though. The fact that I would soon be going back to my beloved home out West also held me back. Still, I really liked hanging around him. I found him fun to talk and the more I got to know him, the more he opened up. Soon, he invited me to a wedding of one of his close relatives. He didn’t need a date, but he wanted one, and he wanted me to be the one. After hearing about the wedding for all the weeks that I’d known Shy Boy, I was interested in being his date and I agreed to go.

After that, we didn’t see each other for about two weeks. There was a hurricane that caused a lot of commotion in town and my cell phone quit working. He would call every day during the hurricane to see how my family and I were making out, until my cell phone went kaput that is. My mom couldn’t believe his thoughtfulness and wanted to meet him desperately. Meanwhile, he and I could have conversations via e-mail that we were both too shy to have in person. He wrote me a very romantic e-mail. In it, he asked me why I had a wall up, and how would I feel if he wanted to hold my hand, kiss me, or bring me flowers for no apparent reason. I went ahead and explained that I would soon be returning to my beloved place out West. He said he wanted to try a long distance relationship if I was willing. The way he asked and how thoughtful and gentle he acted, made me want to try harder with him. Not force anything, but just let down my guard and go with the flow. It wasn’t reassuring though, until we finally both got on the same page about where I stand when it comes to living out West. He also wanted me to know that he “wasn’t sex-obsessed.” He genuinely wanted to romance a girl. He wanted affection, but not sex, especially so soon. Something about him is very trustworthy. He’s kind, doting, and completely chivalrous. What worries me is breaking his heart. I probably can’t keep him as a friend if he’s going to get too romantically attached to me and I can’t return the feelings. 

Some of you who know me through facebook know that I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this boy? Do I just let him go? Do I give him some more time to see if I could become more interested? Do I just hang out with him and enjoy his time, because really, it doesn’t have to lead to anything? But then again, how do I get him on the same page as me when it comes to that? During the next few weeks, things began to take shape. It will take another blog entry(s) to continue this thought, so be prepared for several blog posts to make up for the lack of any lately….