Make-out with Schmooie Wanna-Be

We tried a new place to eat. It was our 10^th outing. Shy Boy surprised me with flowers. He said he did it just because he wanted to. I was taken aback. After dinner, we went for a walk on a warm late summer evening that felt far more romantic than it normally would have the day before or the day after. Before leaving, I gave him a kiss to thank him. We broke out into several nice little kisses and a long embrace. He kept whispering “I love you.” I can’t bring myself to say those words. I’m not sure yet how I feel about him even though I do like him a lot.

The following week, we went to our old hang-out. He was going to be away that weekend and wanted to see me before he left.   After we ate, it was still early and a bit chilly outside. We walked around town. He held my hand, and acted very manly and protective when we had to cross the busy streets. We eventually found our way back to my car, which was parked in a very dark area behind the restaurant. We kissed a little and he just kept holding me. I stood there, holding onto him, listening to his heartbeat. He was obviously happy. But that nagging feeling came back to me. I didn’t love him the way he loved me. I wasn’t feeling anywhere the same emotions he felt for me. It was actually a bit infuriating because I wanted so much to feel the same way. Most importantly, he is so kind and so sweet to me that I don’t want to hurt him.

Flash-forward a few days later, and we’ve been in contact over e-mail. We’re developing more and more of a sort of teenaged romance and we both kind of like it that way, sweet and silly and peppered with innuendo. I’ve been in contact with many of my guy friends asking them for advice on the situation. Now I’m getting in over my head where I can’t just cut bait without hurting him, but oddly enough, I don’t want to cut bait either. They’ve told me that as long as he and I are in agreement on our relationship, we can just enjoy each other’s company and see how things go. It doesn’t have to lead to a great romance. We could just be filling in a void in each other’s lives and what’s so bad about that? 

Now there’s a wedding this weekend that he and I will be attending. Stay tuned for an entry on how that shindig will turn out.