Make-out with Schmooie Wanna-Be

We tried a new place to eat. It was our 10^th outing. Shy Boy surprised me with flowers. He said he did it just because he wanted to. I was taken aback. After dinner, we went for a walk on a warm late summer evening that felt far more romantic than it normally would have the day before or the day after. Before leaving, I gave him a kiss to thank him. We broke out into several nice little kisses and a long embrace. He kept whispering “I love you.” I can’t bring myself to say those words. I’m not sure yet how I feel about him even though I do like him a lot.

The following week, we went to our old hang-out. He was going to be away that weekend and wanted to see me before he left.   After we ate, it was still early and a bit chilly outside. We walked around town. He held my hand, and acted very manly and protective when we had to cross the busy streets. We eventually found our way back to my car, which was parked in a very dark area behind the restaurant. We kissed a little and he just kept holding me. I stood there, holding onto him, listening to his heartbeat. He was obviously happy. But that nagging feeling came back to me. I didn’t love him the way he loved me. I wasn’t feeling anywhere the same emotions he felt for me. It was actually a bit infuriating because I wanted so much to feel the same way. Most importantly, he is so kind and so sweet to me that I don’t want to hurt him.

Flash-forward a few days later, and we’ve been in contact over e-mail. We’re developing more and more of a sort of teenaged romance and we both kind of like it that way, sweet and silly and peppered with innuendo. I’ve been in contact with many of my guy friends asking them for advice on the situation. Now I’m getting in over my head where I can’t just cut bait without hurting him, but oddly enough, I don’t want to cut bait either. They’ve told me that as long as he and I are in agreement on our relationship, we can just enjoy each other’s company and see how things go. It doesn’t have to lead to a great romance. We could just be filling in a void in each other’s lives and what’s so bad about that? 

Now there’s a wedding this weekend that he and I will be attending. Stay tuned for an entry on how that shindig will turn out.

Schmooie Wanna-be Meets Da Mama

After Shy Boy’s romantic e-mail about wanting to be more mushy, I decided to just go with it. Something about what he wrote did melt my heart a bit. While I stupidly didn’t tell him that I wasn’t sure I had the same feeling for him that he had for me, I did level with him that I would be returning to my beloved state out West. And he was okay with that. He wanted to pursue a long distance relationship if I was interested. Meanwhile, my mama was getting antsy to meet him. A good Jewish mother has got to be nosey. So I decided it’d be okay to invite him to my mother’s birthday party. He agreed to go. I told him what to wear and how to look. Still, he showed up in the wrong outfit. This was Shy Boy and myself’s first outing since deciding to be more romantic in public. When we got to the restaurant, he was already at the door waiting. I introduced everybody. Then my mom, my sister, and their friends followed the waiter to our table. Sensing my nervousness over this whole meeting, Shy Boy lagged behind to put an arm around me and kiss me on the head. My mom and her friends enjoyed talking to him. My sister was less thrilled. He was doing very well. He even brought presents. I was beginning to feel proud of him. My mom and sister’s friends wanted to go dancing afterward. We went to a hotel where a band was performing some really great tunes. On the way to the hotel, my mom did the driving while Shy Boy and I sat in the back. Things were going very well, and I felt a sudden interest in holding his hand. So I passed him my hand, and he took hold of it. The highlight of the evening was when my mom forced him to dance. The other highlight was holding hands on the way home and stealing some quick little kisses in the back of the car. I didn’t want it to be too obvious what we were doing. After all, my mom was only a few feet away doing the driving. Shy Boy and I have developed a very teenaged relationship, sort of secretive, all the while being very innocent and sweet. We seem to like it that way. And I just hope we can remain on the same page as the other about where our relationship should go.

Schmooie, Where Have I Been?

I’ve decided to just go ahead and talk more about the Schmooie wanna-be mentioned in the previous post. Since I’ve been spending time with the family back East, there hasn’t been much excitement going on other than hanging out with Shy Boy Schmooie. I’ve been on several outings with Shy Boy. We went to visit my old school. We’ve been to a whole bunch of restaurants. We’ve been to the movies. All those places people go to hang out. By the fifth outing, he wanted a kiss, but I wasn’t going to give one. I wasn't shy. I wasn't playing hard to get. I liked him very much, but I wasn’t as crazy about him as he was of me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek at the beginning and at the end of the outing. He had a great deal in common with me. We come very similar religious and political backgrounds. He liked all the same cultural things I dug. But something was missing. He felt too familiar, like a relative more than a potential boyfriend. But I decided to keep hanging out with him because I enjoyed his company, and he wasn’t asking for too much in return. He was new to the area and needed to get to know people. He had a difficult time making friends.

He always came with his hair gelled back, making him look much older and balder than he really was. On the sixth outing, he surprised me by showing up with no gel in his hair. He said he didn’t have time to put any on that day. It was a marked improvement. Finally, instead of looking 30 years older than what he really was, he looked like a dude his actual age. The hair looked a lot cuter and cleaner without silly gels. I felt oddly more attracted to him than I did before. Maybe it was the fact that I complimented him a lot on the new look, but for whatever reason, he was acting more manly. The thing that held (and still holds) me back was the familiarity. I couldn’t (and can’t) seem to feel as attracted to him as he is to me. We ended the date, and he wanted a kiss very badly. It was obvious. Perhaps encouraged by the compliments and his new surge of manliness, he went ahead and kissed me. He got the corner of my mouth rather than the full lip because I inadvertently moved my head as he went in.

We soon found a particular restaurant that has become our hangout spot. If we can’t think of anywhere else to go, this particular place is where we end up craving. After eating there that night, he kissed me full on the lips in the parking lot. It was a very sweet, nice little kiss. I didn’t feel sparks or fireworks though. The fact that I would soon be going back to my beloved home out West also held me back. Still, I really liked hanging around him. I found him fun to talk and the more I got to know him, the more he opened up. Soon, he invited me to a wedding of one of his close relatives. He didn’t need a date, but he wanted one, and he wanted me to be the one. After hearing about the wedding for all the weeks that I’d known Shy Boy, I was interested in being his date and I agreed to go.

After that, we didn’t see each other for about two weeks. There was a hurricane that caused a lot of commotion in town and my cell phone quit working. He would call every day during the hurricane to see how my family and I were making out, until my cell phone went kaput that is. My mom couldn’t believe his thoughtfulness and wanted to meet him desperately. Meanwhile, he and I could have conversations via e-mail that we were both too shy to have in person. He wrote me a very romantic e-mail. In it, he asked me why I had a wall up, and how would I feel if he wanted to hold my hand, kiss me, or bring me flowers for no apparent reason. I went ahead and explained that I would soon be returning to my beloved place out West. He said he wanted to try a long distance relationship if I was willing. The way he asked and how thoughtful and gentle he acted, made me want to try harder with him. Not force anything, but just let down my guard and go with the flow. It wasn’t reassuring though, until we finally both got on the same page about where I stand when it comes to living out West. He also wanted me to know that he “wasn’t sex-obsessed.” He genuinely wanted to romance a girl. He wanted affection, but not sex, especially so soon. Something about him is very trustworthy. He’s kind, doting, and completely chivalrous. What worries me is breaking his heart. I probably can’t keep him as a friend if he’s going to get too romantically attached to me and I can’t return the feelings. 

Some of you who know me through facebook know that I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this boy? Do I just let him go? Do I give him some more time to see if I could become more interested? Do I just hang out with him and enjoy his time, because really, it doesn’t have to lead to anything? But then again, how do I get him on the same page as me when it comes to that? During the next few weeks, things began to take shape. It will take another blog entry(s) to continue this thought, so be prepared for several blog posts to make up for the lack of any lately….