Mr. Romance is So Last Week

Call me a pampered spoiled girl or someone with unrealistically high expectations, but that stupid Schmooie wanna-be known as Shy Boy really irritated the crap out of me today. He honestly can’t understand why I keep a wall up to romance and to completely “falling in love.” Well, today he reminded me why it is that I keep a wall up. Indeed, just as I was about to let down my guard, he disappointed me.

Shy Boy is currently in another state visiting his parents for a week. He had been so sweet for the past few days that I was actually starting to dig him more than I did before. He had made it a mission to try to melt me. I’m a bit skeptical about romance and he was trying to find a way to reverse that feeling. The way he acted today only confirmed my skepticism. I don’t believe in the stomach churning fluff of romantic films. I firmly believe that if a dude does act romantic, he’s only doing so for one of three reasons: to impress a girl, to marry a girl, or to get in a girl’s pants. Once he’s done any one or all of those three things, the romance goes out the door and you’re left with an oaf around the house who expects you to pamper and take care of him. I mean, seriously. You watch a romantic film or maybe even an action/adventure film where the hero and heroine end up together in the end and I’m supposed to sigh and think it’s lovely? Does anyone really stop to think about what that so-called heroic character is like following the film adaptation? Sure, Prince Charming kissed Snow White and broke the spell and they moved to his castle and lived happily ever after. But then what? I’m sure Prince Charming was not so charming once Snow White got to know him. He won the girl, so why bother with the romance any further? I’m sure he left his dirty socks and undies around the house expecting her to clean up after him. I guess Cinderella after meeting her Prince Charming had the charming duty of cleaning and washing for her oaf of a prince who never volunteered to help her in such duties.

Anyway, I’ll admit the past few times I’d seen Shy Boy and the past few times on the phone while he’s away in another state, he had been succeeding in his operation melt me goal....

For one thing, the idiot bought me a particular book that I've wanted for a really long time. Of course, instead of keeping it a surprise, he told me he bought it. It was cold outside when I came to his place last week to pick up the book and have dinner with him. When I got inside and made myself comfortable, he told me my hands felt cold and cuddled me till I got warm. After dinner, he picked me up like he was carrying me over a threshold, kissed me, and carried me over to the sofa. Then, this past Friday before his trip, I was at his place again for dinner. He found a good radio station on his television and danced (terribley). Then he cuddled me on the sofa and sang to me (terribley). Finally, he left a very sweet e-mail the day of his trip saying he missed me already. Up until today, he was very cute and fun on the phone while on his family vacation. How he acted today made me angry because it was like he didn't even remember how he acted those past two Fridays. And it just confirmed my theory that romance is only a tool for guys to get a girl to like them, to marry them, or to get in their pants. Once a guy is firmly attached to a girl, he drops the sweet gushiness and just becomes a pest.

He only confirmed my theory that romance is a tool of men and not something all sweet and fuzzy.

I could not stand Shy Boy's attitude on the phone. Tomorrow his parents are throwing a Hannukah party and he's not even going to help. Instead, he wants to go to the movies, claiming that way he'll keep out of the way. Today he helped his dad at work. He had to get up extremely early. Even though his dad did all the hard work, Shy Boy came home and acted lazy and exhausted. His parents went grocery shopping at 8 pm to get some last minute items for the party. They have the energy of a person Shy Boy’s age while he’s got the energy of a person his parents’ age! Stupid Shy Boy said he'd rather just go to Costco early in the morning when he needs to get his grocery shopping done. He acts like an old man! Here's Shy Boy's dad who did all that work and driving today and still goes out at night to run an errand. His mom meanwhile is doing his laundry. What right does he have to act tired and lazy?

Why can’t he be more like his father? His dad is a vibrant, adventurous fun-loving guy. He does hilarious impressions and he’s not afraid to venture to hole in the wall places for a new experience. His father is the type of person I’m looking for in Schmooie. Stupid lazy Shy Boy is the exact opposite. He’d rather sit at home and watch a movie. He’ll be the one at the party that’s sitting quietly at the table ready and waiting to leave. And instead of trying to learn from his father, he down-plays and makes fun of his father. What if I was stupid enough to marry Shy Boy? I can just picture Shy Boy as a father with a three year old son, both sitting opened mouthed , in a daze at the television screen.

Being  Mr. Romance is not enough. I need Mr. Useful. He lacked any of his usual thoughtfulness today. So is it just a rouse? Sure people are entitled to an off day. But I don’t need and I don’t WANT a lazy shlub!!! Maybe he was just tired from having had to go to work at the unusual ungodly hour of 6am, but this isn’t the first time I’ve seen this lazy insensitive side to him. This is just the first time I’ve seen so much of it in such a short span. And to think he actually wanted me to come with him on that trip. Heaven only knows how crazy I’d be going right now.